Define Awkward
by Thalia Eltanin
Summary: Nico offends Hera. Nico gets punished. Nico needs to appease Hera. Nico becomes "Nicole".
1. Chapter 1

**_Hello everyone!_**

**_Here's my tribute to Queen Slug's favourite demigod. This is dedicated to her because she's awesome. Not a oneshot. Other chapters will be posted when there are at least 3 positive reviews.  
><em>**

**_Read, enjoy, review!_**

_**Much love,**_

_**ThaliaMalfoy**_

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><p>"Nico, I am very disappointed," Hades told me.<p>

"I'm sorry, Father," I said, not meeting his eyes. "It was a stupid bet."

He sighed. "Well, you are still young. You surely will make mistakes like that often. Zeus will probably punish you harshly. Hera _is_ his wife."

"I will accept whatever punishment Lord Zeus will give me," I told him.

He nodded. "Good." He waved his hand, and slowly faded away from my cabin.

Someone knocked on my cabin door. "Nico, open up!"

I opened the door. Grover was standing outside.

"Grover?" I said. "What's wrong?"

He shuffled his feet. "Er… Zeus and Hera are in the stables. Hera wants you kill— er, punished."

I sighed, like my father earlier. "Great, let's go."

xxxxxx

Mr. D was furious.

"You, Nicole," he called to me as I approached the stables. "Come here!"

I came forward. "It's Nico, sir."

"I hardly care," he said. "What did you do to make Hera so angry? She ruined my strawberry fields! And Father is asking me to write a report on you. And he even compared you to me. 'He is quite like you, Dionysus.' Hmph." He crossed his arms over his chest like a child.

"Go in there now, before Hera burns the horses," he said angrily. "That would cost me more than the fields."

I entered the stables. Pegasi whinnied at me. Inside, Lord Zeus was standing with an amused expression on his face. Hera, on the other hand, was hissing at Percy.

"I cannot believe you are defending him," she said, sparks dangerously flying from her skin. "Do you see what he did to me, boy? He ruined my complexion." Percy just looked at the floor and tossed sugar cubes at the black pegasus, Blackjack. Hera then noticed my entrance.

"You!" she said angrily. "I should just release my divine form and incinerate you on the spot!"

Zeus put a hand on her arm, restraining her. "Now, now, dear. That would cause some trouble with my brother, Hades."

I bowed in his direction. "Lord Zeus, it is an honor. I will take this opportunity to congratulate you on winning the Titan war."

He looked quite flattered. Hera just sparked with a furious expression. Percy laughed to himself.

"Zeus, make him into a pigeon now," Hera told Zeus. "If you won't do it, I will."

"Hera, dear, let's decide rationally," the Lord of the Sky said. "He seems like a fine young man."

Hera exhaled. "Perhaps you mean that he's fine for your ego. Do you see what he did to my skin?" She exposed her forearm. I had to keep myself from laughing at my project.

"Green! Do you see?" she whined. "My skin is green!"

"Yes, dear, I'm not blind," Zeus said. "It's been green for a few hours already."

Hera glared at me. "He deserves to be severely punished for this. He was no respect for powerful woman figures!"

I looked up in surprise. What?

Percy snorted pretty loudly. Hera transferred her glare to him.

Zeus turned to Percy. "Son of Poseidon, leave us first."

Percy shrugged. "Sure, I'll just fly Blackjack around the island." The horse whinnied. Percy led him out the stables and I was alone with a furious goddess and a god who's afraid of his wife.

Hera looked at Zeus. "What if my skin will never turn back to normal? I will be the laughingstock of Olympus because of this boy's insolence." She looked like she might slip into her divine form any moment.

Zeus turned to me again. "Why do you remain silent, boy? Will you not defend yourself?"

I fixed my gaze on Zeus' toes. "I just thought that I should not speak out of place when in the presence of a powerful god, my lord."

I could sense that Zeus was pleased again. "Well in that case… seemingly wise as you are, do you know of any cure to this unfortunate happening to Lady Hera?"

"My dear Lord Zeus, you seem to forget that this 'unfortunate happening' happened because of this 'seemingly wise' boy," Lady Hera said, a little calmer.

"I do not forget that, dear," he told her. "I merely thought that because this boy brought on the discoloration of your divine skin, it is right that he should solve it."

"A salve from Lady Hecate will do it," I said eagerly. "Something from the goddess Iris might work as well, but I recommend Hecate. Or something from Lady Persephone perhaps will suffice, she is wonderful at making herbal things, but I doubt that she will be willing to help Lady Hera."

"There," Zeus stated cheerfully. "Many gods can help solve your skin problem. No need to punish the young man."

Hera raised her eyebrows. "No? I will not let it go around that a mortal played a trick on me. What will people think? Let the boy get it himself. It's the least he can do."

Zeus sighed in defeat. "Very well, you may punish him temporarily. But the punishment will be lifted once he gets the cure. You have to stay in Olympus until then, my dear."

Hera nodded, visibly satisfied. "He needs to learn how to respect females."

I looked up again. "With all due respect, Lady Hera, I have nothing against girls."

Hera leaned towards me. "That's what you think. After this moment, you will learn to respect us female figures of power."

I forced a smile. Styx, this goddess was crazy.

"Well, you better get on punishing him, dear," Zeus stated. "I still have to talk to Ares about the wild boars he let out in Maine. They attacked the Hunters of Artemis."

Hera waved her hand over me.

Nothing happened. But Hera looked elated.

"Let's go, dear," she said, and disappeared, leaving Zeus looking confused.

"Anyway, boy," he told me. "I hope you hurry. I want to invite you to the Olympian Council this summer solstice."

I bowed, and he also left with a burst of light, leaving the strange smell of ozone.

"You played wisely, boy," Mr. D said from behind me. I turned in surprise; I didn't notice him enter. "Stroking my father's ego always works."

I nodded. "Go to your cabin now, before I turn you into a cockroach," he said. "And trust me when I say that fate is better than whatever punishment crazy Hera gave you."

The sky thundered furiously. "Yeah, whatever!" Mr. D yelled at it. "You have to admit, Father, it's true! She's insane!"

The sky thundered again, but a bit more gently. Mr. D turned back to me. "So, will you accept my offer?"

"Um, no thank you, sir." I bowed, and quickly left the stables.

xxxxxx

That night, after the campfire, there was still no sign of Hera's punishment. I was feeling hopeful. Perhaps Zeus managed to convince Hera to lift my punishment.

I lay on my bunk after saying goodbye to Percy. I thought of my dad; he hasn't visited me yet, or even Iris-messaged. I fell asleep.

xxxxxx

When I woke up, I was feeling groggy. I wiped my eyes and yawned.

I felt weird. I sort of felt smaller. I looked down at myself. The black shirt and pants I wore felt looser. I felt up my body. On my chest, there were two humps.

I suddenly felt wide awake. Can it be… no, of course not. It was impossible.

I tried pushing my chest to become flat again, but that just made it hurt. I looked at my hands. My fingers were slender and my skin was soft. Oh gods…

I ran a hand through my hair. It seemed to grow up to my waist overnight.

I quickly jumped down my bunk and went to the mirror I made the skeletons that built the Hades cabin bring in.

On the mirror, there was a girl with silky black hair, a fine nose, and really shapely lips. She was about an inch shorter than I normally was and all I could see that was from me was my eyes. The rest, I didn't know. Fair skin, sharp cheekbones, _curves_…

I was a girl.

"_After this moment, you will learn to respect us female figures of power!"_

Hera made me into a _girl._

I put my hands on my face and did the first reaction my body wanted to do.

I screamed.

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><p><strong>AN - I love Nico Di Angelo, don't you?**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hi! Here it is! Inspiration is back because of my dear friend, Annie Bell Johnson! Gods, I love her so much, and I love you guys for waiting! It's not April yet! Hehehe :D**_

_**Much love,**_

_**ThaliaMalfoy**_

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><p>Someone knocked on the door. I turned around and rushed to open it, desperate for help.<p>

It was Annabeth.

"Oh, hi," she said, looking surprised to see me. "I heard a scream. Was that you? Um, who are you?"

"Annabeth, it's me," I told her.

She smiled uneasily, the way people smile when they're trying to recognize the person they're talking to, but can't.

Shock crossed her features, suddenly. "Nico?" I nodded.

"You… you…" she tried to say. "You're a girl."

"Obviously," I replied in that annoying girl voice. "It's Hera's punishment."

"Come on," she told me. "Let's get you some clothes."

Later in the Athena cabin, I was wearing girls' jeans and this weird blue blouse that had frills on the sleeves.

"I'm sorry," Annabeth said. "I can't give you the Camp Half-Blood shirt because you're obviously not a camper, and I had to borrow that blouse from Leona."

I sighed. "How can girls manage hair this long? It's going to my face. Do you have scissors?"

She reached a pair from a table. I sheared off all the silky hair until it was back to my regular cut. Annabeth pursed her lips, as if mourning the loss of hair.

But after I put the scissors down, my hair grew back again. I groaned and put my head down in my hands.

Annabeth tried to make me feel better by saying, "Well, cutting off hair like that is such a waste, anyway. I have a ponytail if it's really bothering you that much." She got something small from her pocket and tied my hair with it.

It was better, I guess, but the back of my neck was itchy. I scowled at the mirror.

"And why did Hera turn you into a girl, again?" Annabeth asked my reflection.

"So that I'll learn to '_respect female figures of power'_ or something," I muttered, scratching my neck.

Annabeth laughed. "That's ridiculous," she said. "You're one of the most gentlemanly boys I've ever met, which, unfortunately, are very few."

I flushed, and it was very obvious because of my pale skin. Gah, curse the un-tanned skin of the dead. Annabeth noticed my blush, and patted my head. "What? It's true."

"Thanks," I mumbled, when Percy came in the room.

"Hey there, Annabeth," he said, strolling in without noticing me. He stopped abruptly when he did. "Uh… hi. I'm… Jercy Packson… yeah… No, wait, Percy Jackson. Hey, there."

Annabeth punched his arm as I made a gagging noise. "What? I was just being polite."

"Very smooth, Percy," I told him, standing up.

He smiled at me. I held out my hand for him to shake. "I'm Nico Di Angelo. I believe we've met. You probably just don't recognize me because I was very, _very_ male yesterday."

I laughed inwardly at Percy's chagrined expression. "Ew. Nico?"

I nodded. "The very same… except, maybe, slightly disfigured in some parts, thanks to Hera."

Percy looked downright horrified. "You mean you're a girl, even, down there?" He gestured towards his pants. I snorted.

Annabeth punched him in the ribs. Harder, this time. "Ugh, Percy, seriously? You ask those questions when there's a girl around?"

Percy furrowed his eyebrows and scratched his head. "It can't be any other way, Annabeth… you know, since Nico got turned into a girl and all." He grinned slightly.

Annabeth threw her hands in the air in frustration and turned around. "_Boys_."

"What did I do?" I asked.

Annabeth turned around. "No, not you, Nico…" Seeing the amused expressions on our faces, she glared.

"Okay, that's it. It's time to go to the Big House."

"Good morning," Chiron said with a smile as Annabeth, Percy and I entered the room. "What brings you here at this hour?"

Mr. D, on the other hand, smirked. "Nice costume, son of Hades. I _told_ you I should have turned you into an insect yesterday. At least the gender difference wouldn't have been too obvious." Chiron raised his eyebrows in interest.

I felt a twinge of dislike for my divine cousin. "I guess you knew the whole time, Mr. D?" I asked with as much courtesy I could muster.

"Well, duh, Nico Di Angelo!" I felt my eyes widen in surprise at the unexpected… um, _reply_.

"I hate it when he says that," Percy mumbled.

Mr. D focused his glare on him, and opened his mouth to speak, when Chiron interrupted. "I gather that this is the punishment Hera has chosen to give you?" he asked gently.

The three of us — Percy, Annabeth and I — nodded. Mr. D looked as if he wanted to say "Well, duh!" all over again. I prayed to all the gods that he wouldn't.

Chiron cleared his throat. "I suppose I need to formally send you on a quest. What exactly do you need to solve Lady Hera's problem?"

"By the looks of it," Percy said. "A _really_ good dermatologist."

It took a great effort for me not to burst out laughing. Annabeth seemed to be undergoing the same problem, despite the fact that she smacked the back of Percy's head.

Mr. D sighed and shook his head. "Insolent boy," he said. "Your stupidity will get you killed."

Chiron nodded in agreement. "Mr. D is quite right, Percy. This is no time for joking."

Percy, at least, looked quite ashamed of himself.

"A salve or something," I said to answer Chiron's previous question. "I told Hera I'd look for an easy cure from the other goddesses, most likely Hecate or Iris, maybe even Persephone — something to rub on her skin."

"It would be a long journey," Chiron said thoughtfully. "You would have to visit at least three goddesses, all of whom are not easily findable. I'll have to give you a time limit, as to not provoke Lady Hera's temper. What do you think, Mr. D?"

Mr. D had already sat down on one of the chairs and crossed his arms. He looked up to examine us with reproachful eyes. "I think that this is a ridiculous idea and I don't want to take much part in it."

For some reason, I remembered the first time I came here, and I had called Mr. D the 'wine dude'. He glanced at me threateningly. "Do not _remind_ me."

Chiron cleared his throat once more. "All right, perhaps three weeks would suffice? Nico?"

Before I could reply, Mr. D stood up and went to look out the window, probably to look at the strawberry fields his sons grew. "Three days."

I stared.

Chiron looked startled. "Mr. D—"

"Three days."

Percy mumbled from beside me, "So much for not taking much part in it."

Annabeth spoke up for the first time since we came in. "Mr. D, with all due respect, I think—" Mr. D held up his hand and Annabeth fell silent.

"Those are Hera's terms, Annie Bell, not mine. She told me yesterday. In fact, if Father did not put his foot down, young Nicole here would have gotten only until tomorrow."

Annabeth gritted her teeth in anger. "That _bit_—"

Chiron interrupted. "Well, if those are Hera's terms, we have no choice. Nico, you are free to choose two companions if ever you choose to accept the quest."

I nodded. "I choose Percy and Annabeth." Chiron nodded in approval.

Percy patted my back. "We've got your back." I smiled confusedly, not knowing if he was being ironic or what.

Chiron looked at me. "Now, Nico, since this is now a formal quest, you have to go see the Oracle. If you come back down as sane as you are now, you may start."

I swallowed and prepared to go up the attic of the Big House, where I knew the Oracle was, when the room burst into light.

If I hadn't quickly covered my eyes, I knew I would have been blinded. Once the bright light faded, I looked up.

And _stared._

"What's this about quests?" the person in front of us said in a disapproving tone. "No, I absolutely won't allow it. This girl is _gorgeous_ and all you want to do is send her on a quest? _Terrible _decision, if you ask me, Dionysus."

Mr. D groaned under his breath in irritation, and Percy was blushing furiously, but I hardly noticed.

Chiron rolled his wheelchair forward.

"Welcome, Lady Aphrodite."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Oh my gods, hi.**_

_**Remember me? Remember this story? **_

_**I spent these 5 months thinking that I haven't written this chapter yet, but then a few minutes ago, I saw this in my Documents and saw that it was finished.**_

_**I was quite shocked. *smiled sheepishly***_

_**Anyway, here's the story Define Awkward. Nico turned into a girl here.**_

_**You really don't remember? You know, a fanfic that is filled with pathetic excuses for humour and OOCs? No?**_

_**Well okay.**_

_**Much love,**_

_**Thalia Malfoy - there's a space in my pen name now! :D**_

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><p>Aphrodite waved Chiron away. "I'm here to talk to Nico."<p>

Chiron moved his wheelchair backwards in uncertainty. "We were just discussing his quest to appease the Lady Hera." Aphrodite snorted.

"She looked terrible," she said, smirking.

"You're not bothered?" I asked.

She fingered her hair. "Why should I? She rudely said that I put on too much make-up the other day."

Mr. D coughed loudly, as if to agree with Hera, and Aphrodite looked stricken for a moment. I felt angry at him again. "You're perfect, Lady Aphrodite," I reassured her.

She flashed me a smile. "I already know that," she said. "But you're sweet. Which," — she dramatically turned to Mr. D — "is why I'm here, Dionysus." She sauntered towards him and touched his shoulder.

Mr. D looked at her hand, and made gagging noises and he seemed to be about to vomit. Aphrodite lifted her hand back in alarm and he stopped and smirked.

"Ah," Aphrodite said, shaking her head sadly. "You're still regrettably unrefined and unmannered, D."

Mr. D raised an eyebrow and looked at Chiron. Chiron shook his head as well, very slightly.

A sigh. "What do you want, sister?"

Aphrodite brightened up again. "I simply want to have a word with Nico, before he makes the mistake of accepting whatever stupid quest you and Chiron think of this time, D."

Mr. D closed his eyes. "I will forgive the insult, Aphrodite, but stop calling me D."

"Whatever you say, D." She reached out and grabbed my hand. Percy stepped forward in concern, but I told him with my eyes that it was okay, and he stepped back.

Annabeth, on the other hand, walked to the spot beside me and said, "What are you going to talk to him about? Are you going to use him as a toy so that you gods can have a bit of entertainment?"

Chiron looked up in worry. "Annabeth—"

Aphrodite's childlike smile disappeared. She looked at Annabeth with the contempt of a woman. Not that I knew anything about the contempt of a woman. Nor did I know that much about women at all.

Anyway, so Aphrodite was looking at Annabeth the way she might look at a cockroach. "Hera didn't like you, little girl. You don't want me to feel the same way, do you?"

Percy stepped forward again and pulled Annabeth back with him, and seemed to be whispering into her ear.

Aphrodite smiled at me again. "Now that that's done… Let's go!"

She led me down to the basement, where I watched that film Grover showed me when I first came here. I looked back over my shoulder as she pulled me. Mr. D looked bored by the window, Chiron looked concerned, Annabeth angry, and Percy fixed his eyes on me with worry.

We settled in the basement-room, and Aphrodite seemed to be examining more than my face. She seemed to be looking through my soul.

"Nico, sweetie," Aphrodite said. "You turned out to be a pretty girl."

I was unsure on how to reply to this. "Uh… thanks?" I wasn't really keen on being a girl, much less looking like one.

"But of course, you can't stay a girl forever," she continued with a shadow of a smile on her face.

"Yeah…?"

"I'm here to help!"

I figured that out for myself, funnily enough. "Lady Aphrodite…"

"Don't worry," Aphrodite soothed, rubbing my arm. "I've got everything planned out. First, don't accept that quest Chiron wants to give you."

"But—"

"Second," she interrupted, raising a hand to silence me. "You have to stay here. I'm giving you my own mission."

"Your own—"

"Shh," she said. "All you need to do is stay here, in your safe little camp. I will acquire the solvent for you."

"But—"

She shushed me again. "Nico, listen to me. I will get it, yes, but of course, you have to do something for me in return. You have to kiss three of the boys here in your camp."

"WHAT!?" Oh Zeus. "Lady Aphrodite, I think I'd rather take Mr. D's offer—"

"Darling." There was a dangerous tone to her voice now. "If you don't agree, I might think you don't like me… and I'd have to make an enemy of you."

Great, now she was threatening me. I knew it was dangerous to meddle with the goddess of love and beauty, but if I accepted...

"Why, though?" I asked. "Why did you decide to help me?"

Her expression softened, and she smiled again. "Nico, I've been observing you for years. No girl has ever caught your eye. I considered homosexuality…" Oh gods. "But no, I don't think so."

I nodded vigorously.

"Then I realized that you were one of those souls… The kind that doesn't look for love. But you are lonely, I know. You're uncomfortable around people, but you need someone. You need love. Therefore, you need me. I am love itself."

"I knew you upset Hera. I knew she was going to punish you with some impossible task… So I planned to turn it into my game. But I didn't realize that Hera would turn you into a _girl._"

I let out a snort. "Believe me, neither did I."

"I was supposed to ask you to kiss three girls, but I am not an avid fan of homosexuality, so I couldn't traumatize the precious flowers by letting you kiss them in your state. Three boys, then, since you are now a girl."

She's got it all twisted. "But, Aphrodite, I am very much a boy, even though I now take form of a girl. I thought you didn't like homosexuality?"

She sent a wide, blinding smile to my direction. "Nico, you have a vagina. That is enough. You are a girl." I choked violently.

She patted my back, and I looked up.

"So that's it? I just need to kiss guys and I'm free? How does that budge my status from single?"

She smiled. "It doesn't. But you would know what human desires are. Perhaps you'd learn to start pursuing girls. I think all you need is a little inspiration."

She stood up, and started to glow. "Do you accept, Nico Di Angelo, son of Hades?"

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><p><strong>AN - Whaddaya guys think? Deal or no deal? By the way, next chapter is when I get 40 reviews because there's this thing called school is it's keeping me busy from writing stuff.**

**Pearl0001: Omg, you used a lot of adjectives! I feel so loved! You're so nice! *dances around the room happily***


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